Some old October blogs

Well I started taking vitamin B 50 today. It's spose to help with your mood, althoughI only took it a few hours ago and haven't noticed anything.. i had a break down while I was chatting with an online friend about my grams. I really hope this helps me because these mood swings are horrible! I haven't been myself since she died and I am so afraid of what I might become if it continues. I don't want to lose Mark and I'm afraid if I keep up this crap it;s gonna drive him into the arms of another woman. If that ever happened I know it would kill me. I don't want to be like this in front of my girls and I know if I went to a psych person they would deem me depressed and put me on meds and maybe that would be a good thing.. I want to talk to someone, but I am so scared and don't know what steps to take.. I know whatever it is, it has to be me that makes them. I don't know what the policy is for the insurance and if I need a stupid referral to go see a shrink, but I do know that this is eatting me up and I'm not myself. I'm falling into this deep hole and I'm having trouble digging myself back out. I have ups and downs more than the normal person and if I am seeing this then I know somethings wrong. I will give this vitamin a couple weeks and see if it's helping me, but if not then I guess I need to go talk to someone and see about getting on some paxil. My moms on it for the same reasons so honestly maybe I should be too.
posted by Jodie at 3:58 PM 0 Comments
Wednesday, October 11, 2006

To whoever is trying to snoop in here, I got the email saying you tried to recover my password bitch! Butt the fuck out of my life! If I wanted YOU to read it, I would have either left this for public view or given you my damn password! Just because you can't seem to figure out that my life moved on without your dumbass in it isn't my problem! Just remember it was YOU who ended things, not me. I had sat here for a long while wondering if I should have tried to patch things up or not and your petty selfishness and your childishness only proved that I was right in staying back. You are just upset that you lost many friends that happened to be mine too and you can't seem to get over it so I'm here tell you Grow the hell up and move on!! Note: To all who read this and I have allowed you to do so thanks for respecting my privacy! You are true friends and I love you all!
posted by Jodie at 10:32 AM 0 Comments

Boy Have I slacked off and I'm sorry. This one will be done a little different.Dear Mister bleepity bleep!This morning when you were thrashing around looking for a pair of socks you didn't need to turn on me. You didn't need to tell me I don't do anything around this house when you shoud be looking in the damn mirror! All I ever do is things in this house while you sit on your ass after work. I have a job too and it's called being a mom! Oh how quickly you forget that this is a fulltime job in itself! Your daughter, Miss Cassidie, keeps me going full speed till she finally conks out for bed! Yes she is in school full time, but the constant picking up her things and her sisters, and then dealing with them fighting over petty things wears you out as if they had been home all day. I realize your job is a big one, but do not even attempt to throw that you have to goto work to make MONEY in my face, because as you can see it don't bother me! My job is far more rewarding than yours.Also you need to explain to me what the reasoning for wanting a sudden change of appearance is. If it's not some little ho bag slut with missing teeth, than what is it? You are hitting the age of midlife crisis after all.Don't think I enjoying fighting with you, but it is sad that lately it is the only form of communication we have. It needs to stop or I'm walkin away to keep my sanity!